pandr
06-04-2011, 01:29 PM
How's this for an Earnhardt conspiracy?
By Tom Sorensen - charlotteobserver
Tuesday, May. 31, 2011
Nobody is out to get me (or you, for that matter). But I love conspiracies in sports, and NASCAR's are the best.
At the Coca-Cola 600 late Sunday night, NASCAR threw caution to the wind instead of a caution flag. It chose not to call for a caution, even though there was so much carnage on the Charlotte Motor Speedway track that it looked as if the pre-race war had resumed.
Ah, but Dale Earnhardt Jr. was winning, and only one lap remained. If NASCAR waved a caution flag, he'd have to surrender his lead and run a two-lap overtime race with everybody else.
So NASCAR let Earnhardt run free. There's a sound fans make when they expect to be part of something special, and fans did.
They made the sound until, on the last half of the last lap, Earnhardt ran out of gas, and Kevin Harvick blew by him for the victory.
Had anybody but Earnhardt been in the lead when the last lap began, NASCAR would have thrown the caution flag with the ease a fan throws an empty beer cup.
The conspiracy goes much deeper than an unthrown flag, however.
I can't prove what I'm about to tell you. That's the cool thing about conspiracies. I don't have to.
We'll all agree that Earnhardt is NASCAR's most popular driver. Think how popular he would be if he, I don't know, won. He has not won since 2008, has not won in 104 starts.
To remedy this, a NASCAR committee meets once a week, usually Tuesday, in a windowless room. The agenda consists of one item: Get Earnhardt to Victory Lane. Trust me, a press credential won't get you inside. Guarding the entrance is a guy built like a doorstop. He buys his clothes at a Secret Service outlet store - dark suit, white shirt, black tie and opaque sunglasses. But on the sleeves of his jacket are patches with the names of sponsors.
Good ideas come out of that room. Here are four.
(1) Develop a secret way to generate more horsepower. When that fails, call Junior Johnson and beg him for help.
(2) Get Earnhardt a ride with Rick Hendrick.
(3) Distract the competition.
Last week the committee lent Kyle Busch a Lexus LFA. The LFA is built for speed and the committee suspected Busch wouldn't be able to resist.
It was right. He was clocked driving 83 mph above the speed limit. The speeding ticket undid him, as his performance in the Coca-Cola 600 attests.
Alas, the more mature drivers won't fall for the LFA trick, and all the other drivers are more mature than Busch.
(4) If Earnhardt gets the lead late in a race, make sure he keeps it.
On Sunday, in the capital of Junior Nation, Earnhardt finally had the lead. Junior drove a strong race, the competition kept wrecking and the dog ate the caution flag.
And then Earnhardt ran out of gas.
On the agenda for the next windowless-room meeting: Make the last lap shorter.
Conspiracy theories are a joke. But watch. When Earnhardt finally does win, detractors will claim the race was fixed.
The only way to free Earnhardt is to find a driver that NASCAR likes even more.
You know, I saw Danica Patrick crossing the Wilkes County line the other day. She was wearing (designer) overalls and heading toward Junior Johnson's house.
Don't tell anybody.
C/P Thats Racin
By Tom Sorensen - charlotteobserver
Tuesday, May. 31, 2011
Nobody is out to get me (or you, for that matter). But I love conspiracies in sports, and NASCAR's are the best.
At the Coca-Cola 600 late Sunday night, NASCAR threw caution to the wind instead of a caution flag. It chose not to call for a caution, even though there was so much carnage on the Charlotte Motor Speedway track that it looked as if the pre-race war had resumed.
Ah, but Dale Earnhardt Jr. was winning, and only one lap remained. If NASCAR waved a caution flag, he'd have to surrender his lead and run a two-lap overtime race with everybody else.
So NASCAR let Earnhardt run free. There's a sound fans make when they expect to be part of something special, and fans did.
They made the sound until, on the last half of the last lap, Earnhardt ran out of gas, and Kevin Harvick blew by him for the victory.
Had anybody but Earnhardt been in the lead when the last lap began, NASCAR would have thrown the caution flag with the ease a fan throws an empty beer cup.
The conspiracy goes much deeper than an unthrown flag, however.
I can't prove what I'm about to tell you. That's the cool thing about conspiracies. I don't have to.
We'll all agree that Earnhardt is NASCAR's most popular driver. Think how popular he would be if he, I don't know, won. He has not won since 2008, has not won in 104 starts.
To remedy this, a NASCAR committee meets once a week, usually Tuesday, in a windowless room. The agenda consists of one item: Get Earnhardt to Victory Lane. Trust me, a press credential won't get you inside. Guarding the entrance is a guy built like a doorstop. He buys his clothes at a Secret Service outlet store - dark suit, white shirt, black tie and opaque sunglasses. But on the sleeves of his jacket are patches with the names of sponsors.
Good ideas come out of that room. Here are four.
(1) Develop a secret way to generate more horsepower. When that fails, call Junior Johnson and beg him for help.
(2) Get Earnhardt a ride with Rick Hendrick.
(3) Distract the competition.
Last week the committee lent Kyle Busch a Lexus LFA. The LFA is built for speed and the committee suspected Busch wouldn't be able to resist.
It was right. He was clocked driving 83 mph above the speed limit. The speeding ticket undid him, as his performance in the Coca-Cola 600 attests.
Alas, the more mature drivers won't fall for the LFA trick, and all the other drivers are more mature than Busch.
(4) If Earnhardt gets the lead late in a race, make sure he keeps it.
On Sunday, in the capital of Junior Nation, Earnhardt finally had the lead. Junior drove a strong race, the competition kept wrecking and the dog ate the caution flag.
And then Earnhardt ran out of gas.
On the agenda for the next windowless-room meeting: Make the last lap shorter.
Conspiracy theories are a joke. But watch. When Earnhardt finally does win, detractors will claim the race was fixed.
The only way to free Earnhardt is to find a driver that NASCAR likes even more.
You know, I saw Danica Patrick crossing the Wilkes County line the other day. She was wearing (designer) overalls and heading toward Junior Johnson's house.
Don't tell anybody.
C/P Thats Racin